Offense

Perfectionists. Really loyal people. People who love hard. Sensitive souls. These kind of people are very prone to offense. This is because they believe that they love without holding back and they expect the same from the world. 

I am one of these people. I can give everything to friends and family. I am a die hard loyal so you can imagine the many times I recoil when I am hit by things like gossip, failure to keep a promise, misunderstandings and any form of failure from another party. This feeling of disappointment is somewhat normal because of how such people are created but remaining hurt and offended is the problem. 

I have been thinking about this today as I spent time with God. He wants us to be free from hurt, free from offence, free free free. We cannot run this race of life with such baggage(weights). He expects us to know that only He is perfect. Only He can be that perfect person in our lives. He wants us to know that we are also imperfect. That He loves us unconditionally despite our imperfections. He wants us to know that as His children we grow to love like He does. Having received His perfect love and being completely content and whole in it, then we can love people despite their shortcomings. We can even put ourselves in their shoes and be surprised by what we find there. 

My husband reminds me constantly about this. He is the first person I have seen who constantly walks in the path of zero offense. He makes it look so easy. He is submerged in PEACE. I thank God for such an example. 

How beautiful a truth for me and you today. Let’s cut people some slack! Let’s forgive and let it go. I am not saying that we have to keep all people close to us. However we can have zero hard feelings towards anyone and even be willing to pray for them and be there for them when they need us. This is love manifested through us. A much better path. A God path! 

To freedom and love. 

1 Cor 13:8a

Love never fails!! 

Too old to learn?

I have been wanting to learn how to ride a bike! I wanted it so much! I thought the desire was a bit far fetched because i am not a teenager any more. However one day i met up with a girlfriend of mine and she told me how just a week before she taught herself in just one day! I couldn’t believe my ears! My hopes shot up so high and yesterday it happened for me.

I was having sort of a bad day at city council offices and i thought our cycling date would not happen. I met her though and she psyked me up so much! We were to go at noon and it was going to 3pm but she was still willing to go all the way to Karura forest just for me! She is such a cool human! We went to Karura forest, hired 2 bikes and now i can ride a bike! wooooohuuu! I am not a pro but i can takeoff by myself, ride for long, control the bike and even stop when i need to without causing too much of a spectacle! hehe!

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At the end of the day every inch of my body was painful, i was dirty and sweaty and tired but i could ride a bike!!!!!ย  I must admit that it was not easy at first. I spent the first 30 mins afraid to put both feet on the pedals. I felt safer with one foot on the ground but I knew I was never going to ride like that. My girl was so patient with me, she kept encouraging me and when I finally took off, the rest is history. She kept reminding me to pedal and to look up….as long as i did that i kept moving. That is a life lesson right there; keep your eyes up on Jesus, our hope and strength, and keep pedaling! Keep moving and don’t give up.

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You might not relate with my bike story but that was not necessarily the point. My point is this; what dream (big or small) have you given up on? You might feel like you missed the chance to start on it or finish it. It’s not too late! It could be going back to school, learning to swim or drive a car, learning to play an instrument or perfect your singing, painting, drawing, dancing. It could be cooking lessons that you wanted to start or web design or playing darts! It could be knowing God more or reading through the whole bible. It could be anything! It’s not too late. You can learn at whatever age. That’s how God created us! We are His masterpieces created with brilliant minds that can keep learning throughout life!

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Let this be the year you pick up the dream you had stashed away, dust it off and get on it. May He give you a friend or even a stranger to help you with it like He did me. Shine and fly!! 2016 is the year of greatness!

God is good!!

Love,
Ndanu.

BETTER? Not really!

My 27th birthday is in exactly a week and i have made it a tradition to make the whole week special. I take time to fast and pray, reflect on the year that has been, evaluate my life, give thanks, make some changes, reinforce the good etc. The first day of this process is already so heavy!

It’s been a great year. I can use one word to describe it: NEW! I have met so many new people, i visited a new country, i got totally new experiences, i quit my job, I got to know God in a totally new way, became an auntie to the most adorable boy in the world, fell in love….NEW! NEW! NEW!

New is good. It grows us and is proof that we are alive; that we are still growing and learning. I have learned though that new can also be destructive. There has to be a link and a balance between all you are learning and adopting and all you have learned and been in the past.

The new I encountered was powerful! So powerful that it threatened to topple me over. This is dangerous. It should add to me and make me better. It should not erode me. It should not make me feel small. Change should sharpen you not make you blunt and ineffective. That is the positive kind of change. If you feel confused and overwhelmed then it could be a sign that you need to slow down and remember who you are.

You my friend did not just appear from thin air. You are a product of everyone and everything you have encountered in your life. All your experiences are important. They make you the unique vessel that if surrendered to God will reach many that only you can reach. There are changes in the world that ONLY you can make. By no means should we dwell in the past. That is not my point. My point is that you matter. Your experiences matter. Bad, good, even terrible. They can all look beautiful depending on where you are looking from! ๐Ÿ™‚

We are here now. Don’t let anyone convince you that their past is better than yours. Better is a wrong concept. What is BETTER? What does that even mean? I have grown to loathe comparisons. How can we compare each other’s lives? How? We are all so unique. So beautiful. So great. Comparison is the source of all pride, hate and low self worth in the world. Do YOU! Your circumstances may not have been perfect but they are what you got. Appreciate what you got from them and thrive. Let other people from the same messes see how you blossomed despite the thorns. Also, no one’s life has been perfect. I know this for a fact! No one’s life is perfect. PERFECT is a theory! Live your own life. Stay on your lane! Run YOUR race. You are the perfect candidate for a wonderful life. You are the  perfect candidate for a phenomenal finish!

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I thank God for my life! I thank God for my family, they are truly some of the most amazing people in the world. I thank God for my upbringing, for the primary school i went to that no one knows about, for the lessons i have gathered in life, for all the wonderful and even strange friends i have had over the years, for math, for the church i went to most of my life, for the fears and losses, for lack and abundance, for youth camps, for heartbreaks, for art and art school, for straight hair and locks and afros, for k south and racecource and eastleigh and buru buru, for korea, for syracuse and finland, for AIC Ziwani sunday school, for Word of Life camp, for the love and exposure to beautiful and diverse music, for kitenge and my fashion journey, for nairobi west, for Kiilu and Juma and Simo and Baraka, for Orange and Mwango and Anuj and Aggie and Vincent, for cakes and cards, for Daystar, for Narok and missions, for Waihiga, for bs, for tears, for once being overweight, for Altars of Incense and VOW……Whaaaaat?!!! I thank God for Jesus. He remained constant through it all!!

That represents different random things that flood my brain as I think about where i have come from. It’s rich and crazy and beautiful too.

You are the perfect candidate for a wonderful finish!!!!! Your experiences matter! Your uniqueness matters! BETTER and PERFECT don’t exist! God loves you, ALL of you! Don’t forget that!

Love,
Ndanu.

Present for Happy

I know they say a friend in need is a friend indeed. That is true. Very true. However in the recent past I have discovered yet another truth, an even more true friend is one who is truly happy for you when you are happy. It’s easy to be there for someone when they are lacking or mourning. You send them money, take bags upon bags of shopping when you visit them, you can easily be present as they mourn. You can sleep over at their house, cook for their visitors and be there for the funeral that is usually somewhere in the bundus they call shagz. I agree all these things take sacrifice and love. I am not belittling them at all. It’s easy though to do this because in a way the person doing them is somewhat the one on top, they are not the ones in need, they are not the ones mourning.

However what about when you have just received a promotion at work 3 months after you received another one? What if you just got engaged to the most amazing man in the world? What if you just bought a house debt free? What if you just lost weight and you look soooo amazing? What if God has opened your eyes to His grace and these days you are full of joy? What if your business has picked up so fast and you are making millions? What if your gift is presenting you before kings? What if you just got a beautiful baby? What if your babies are scoring all A’s in school and favor is chasing them down every way they turn?

I have come to realize that a true friend is one who can TRULY celebrate your success. One who is not threatened by your achievements. The only person capable of such friendship is one who knows who they are. They are running their own race. They love themselves and their journey. They love God and trust His plans for everyone. Then and only then can a human being be sane enough to TRULY rejoice and celebrate another’s success.

You can recognize the not so happy friends of yours easily. The number one sign is they make you feel guilty for being happy. You nearly want to apologize for the good happening in your life when you are around them. You find yourself dulling your light trying not to ‘outshine’ them. Sharing how happy you are with them feels like you are showing off. This is an unhealthy way to live.

I pray that we can all find a few true friends who have arms strong enough to clap for us. Hearts pure enough to truly celebrate us… Most of all I pray that we ourselves can be these kind of friends to the people around us!

I thank God for the few true friends I have found in this season and the family I have.
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To true, ‘present for happy’ people!

Love,
Ndanu.

Rest

I got home this evening feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. I felt like I had so much to do lately that I end up doing none of the things well.

Anyone feel like me? I was glad to find no one at home so I just sat in silence and talked to God. I asked Him to help me. I asked Him to give me strength and joy. I asked for wisdom to handle all my responsibilities. He started to show me some of the changes I need to make so as to maximize on the hours I have in a day. I felt joy and strength stream in. Sweet stuff!

Above all it is important to remember that there is a God who can handle all our problems. He is always in control and we need to learn to surrender to Him. We need to trust Him with every aspect of our lives. Don’t get ulcers trying to juggle everything by yourself. Stop trying to be superman! Ask God for help and rest in His love and wisdom.

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The evening is going well. I am joyful and I am already half way done with the things I needed to do. It’s amazing what a few minutes in the presence of God can do!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Surrender your burdens and rest in God’s love tonight. He’s got you!

It is well!โ™กโ™ก

Love,
Ndanu

Chronicles of Business

I have not blogged for several months. I thank several of my friends for being on my case about not writing. Such pressure is super amazing and for that reason I am back. A post per week, so help me GOD! I have been up and about settling into full time business, serving GOD and falling in love….not an excuse for neglecting my writing though ๐Ÿ™‚

I bake for a living now and truth is i totally love it. I know GOD had a reason for keeping me in employment for those 3 years but truth is I really love this part of my journey. I do not dread Mondays and Mornings like I used to. In retrospect i see now that this was actually a hate for fresh starts and a love for endings like fridays and evenings. What a twisted way of living…

I have several lessons from my full time business experience:

1) Trusting God fully- Not having a salary at the end of the month has taught me that God is my provider. Not because it’s a cliche statement for Christians but because He really is. I depend on Him to give me clients and to help me keep them. I depend on Him to give me fresh decoration ideas and to help me make the complicated designs that my clients order for. I have not gone to any cake school and right now i don’t have constant internet so i can’t youtube how some designs are done. People keep telling me how I am gifted and I am sure some are tired of my response. I am not trying to sound over religious when i say it is Jesus because it actually is. I see miracles in my kitchen everyday. He goes to the point of giving me instructions on what colors to mix to get a certain shade i need.. sometimes i get dreams on how to make something that a client wants. No one can convince me that God does not exist because i see HIM at work every single day. I see Jesus in every single cake I make.

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2) Friends of your business- I have learnt that there are people who are a great blessing to my business. They are a blessing in many different ways. Some act as a door or a link to many other clients. Some give you one order that catapults you to a whole new level of prowess and favor. Some are an encouragement through calling and constantly cheering you on. Some force you to grow by giving you a job that seems impossible. Some pay more than you asked for just because they feel your work is worth much more. Some pray for great blessings over your business. I thank God for each and every friend to my business, both known and unknown! ๐Ÿ™‚

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3) Enemies of your business- Life is such that you cannot just have friends alone. Enemies are inevitable no matter how good you are. Enemies of my business to me come in several forms… Some are people who who refuse to pay you after you have done a job for them. Some are difficult customers who enjoy frustrating you. They keep changing the order, they shout, they pay late and worst of all some just attract bad vibe. The day you are baking for them is when electricity goes off, when there are no strawberries in the market, when matatus are on strike or just something crazy like that… lol! Their orders end up costing you more than you gain from it. I just pray against such clients. I love peace and mutual blessings between the clients and I.

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4) Discipline- Business has taught me discipline. I am my own boss and no one will do my work if I don’t do it. I have to plan ahead so I can deliver quality cakes and in the required time. I have to deliver despite the challenges…. the client does not care whether there is electricity in my house or not. They do not care that I am unwell or my mum and I had a disagreement! ๐Ÿ˜€ If i took the job then I have to deliver. I work more than I did when I was employed. I do not need to be pushed by anyone. I am my business and my business is me. Business has really really instilled discipline in me. It can be tough sometimes but I really really love it and would not trade it for anything!

I thank God for the blessing of baking!

If you want to go into business or just doing your own thing then think about the things above. Please share with me your own business lessons. Would love to hear them.

Love,
Ndanu

My women!!

I have these 3 women who God gave me in His own mysterious ways. They have been praying with me and for me. They check up on me. They probably know all my stories and messes. They have been gracious enough to share their life stories with me too….mistakes and all! They teach me about God and calling and family. They have told me the plain truth when i needed to hear it. I bless God so much for them!!

We are scattered all over and we are in different phases of our lives but we walk on in love, grace and strength!!

Every lady should have some women of her own. Godly women at that. Older, sane and sanctified women to walk with. God please provide such women for everyone in need!

I love you Mnash, Mwika and Faith!!!

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Titus 2:3-5
3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Love,
Ndanu

Boundless Love

All I ever wanted when I was young was to grow into a beautiful woman who wears make up and smells nice! I had an auntie who was oh so glamorous. I loved her blue mascara and her perfume!! At that age she seemed like a goddess!

I am still big on scents and fashion but I grew up to want much more! I want to be compassionate, I want to be generous, I want to be loyal, I want to be passionate, I want to see miracles, I want to play the saxophone, I want to sing and sing and sing, I want to help women start businesses, I want to bake for the president, I want to love broken young people to wholeness, I want to build homeless shelters so no one will sleep in the rain, I want to travel the world, I want 3 amazing babies, I want to selflessly serve God with my man til we are no more…..

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I won’t lie that i have everything figured out, that I know exactly how I will do all this. However i am looking up and looking forward. I am hopeful and I have faith! A step at a time, a day at a time ๐Ÿ™‚

What do you want with your life? Who do you want to be? What really matters to you? What do you live for? Let’s choose purpose and things with lasting significance. Let’s make everyday count and be EVERYTHING God created us to be. Don’t just follow the status quo! Find out who you are and LIVE! Run YOUR race! :-*

He is a passionate God! How else would you explain sacrificing His son to die for a humanity that was so crazy and lost? It’s like He chose the most extreme way to show us just how much love He has for us. He held nothing back! Reckless love! Boundless love!

I don’t know about you but I want to live my life from this passionate example from Father God. We are created in His image afterall right? ๐Ÿ™‚

Let’s live and make everyday count!

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Daniel 11:32
They that know their God shall be strong and do exploits!! \o/

Love,
Ndanu

Special Deliveries

I rarely talk about this because half of the people will think I am being proud and the other half will think I am plain crazy! ๐Ÿ˜€ However, I woke up today and felt a great push to write about it especially for the next generation of this kind.

What is this kind? ๐Ÿ˜€

I knew God at an early age. Part of this was largely because I was a preacher’s daughter. I and my brothers knew about God, His word, salvation, tongues, miracles etc when we were very young. I remember having to tone down the spiritual stuff when i was in primary school especially at the adolescent age. The first boy I ever liked was in my primary school. I really really liked him and i remember denying that I was saved in front of everyone in my Class 7 East. I did that because i thought it would embarrass him since he was one of the most popular guys in school. He would be the laughing stock in the school if his girlfriend had gone all spiritual ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I remember lying in bed that night alone in the dark feeling so guilty about what I had done. I begged God to forgive me and allow me to keep my relationship with Him secret for just one more year. lol! I promised Him that I would live fully for Him when I got to high school. In retrospect, I am amazed at the kind of relationship I had with God. I somehow trusted that He loved me and would understand me. Anyway things did not really work out with the boy and we broke up on the last day of primary school. haha!!

God took our high school agreement seriously! ๐Ÿ˜€ I was speaking in tongues and casting out demons by the age of 16. A man of God prophesied over my life in a school Sunday service. He talked about people getting healed and delivered while i led worship and I don’t think he had any idea that I could even sing. I started to get words of knowledge especially as I led the rest of the school in worship from Form 3. In form 4 I was the Christian Union Chair lady and God’s power had never been stronger than it was that year. Miracles, signs and wonders to say the least.

I soon realized though that there was a price to pay for this calling. No one had prepared me for this. I was not a ‘normal’ young girl and this was especially evident during the school holidays. I was not really fitting in 100% with my peers. Some of the most hurtful times were during the annual church youth camps. We had a date night that everyone looked forward to. Girls would wait the whole week to be asked out by the guys to be their dates for the dinner. I never once got asked. I came to realize that this was because, as much as I was beautiful, the guys had no idea how to handle me. I was in the youth camp leadership when most people my age were just campers. I was waking up early to attend the morning prayers while most of the other campers were asleep. I was speaking about sexual purity in the evening sessions while people of my age wanted to experiment. Now I see how i must have appeared weird. I could not talk to anyone about this conflict in my heart. Sadly not even my parents. I did not feel like I knew anyone who would totally understand. I wanted to live for God and knew that He had put something special in me but I also needed a mentor or someone to reassure me that I was beautiful, that it was ok not to be ‘normal’, that I would turn out fine. Someone to explain to me what calling was… God ended up being this person for me. He has done a pretty good job so far!

Dating has always been a complicated story for me. After high school and ‘no-date’ camp dinners :-D, I met many guys and there was a spark but when we got to know each other, the problem still remained. My relationship with God was always a hindrance because the guys wanted different things from what I wanted and I knew it would never work… I would be tempted to stop being too serious with God but somehow God always snatched me from those situations just in the nick of time! And I mean just in the nick of time!! ๐Ÿ˜€

We are told that we have to submit and respect our men but I know that the only way I will be able to do this is if God gives me a man that is ‘higher’ than me. What I mean by higher is he must know God more than I do, he must pray more than I do, he must know the word more than I do… I know all this may sound crazy but it is mandatory for me. Otherwise it will be hard to fully respect and submit myself to him. The bible says in Eph 5: 25-26 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.”

How else is he supposed to do “the washing of water with the word” to me just like Christ did? I see no other way apart from Him being higher than me. And I don’t mean me stopping to grow or pretending that I don’t know much of the word so he becomes higher! ๐Ÿ˜€

I thought I had found such a guy several years ago so you can imagine the horror in my heart when God said he was not the one for me. I fought with God over that answer for 4 full years until I agreed to let go. I had given up on ever finding a man higher than me. The only ones around me were my pastors, my dad and my brothers! lol! All the other guys just seemed busy with everything else other than seriously growing in God. They seemed to be ok with normal Christianity while I was hungry for deeper and higher! I remember just last year having a hard time explaining to a guy how I was waiting for God to speak before I quit my job. He did not believe that God speaks and just thought I was being a lunatic. This was a confirmation to me that whatever thing we were thinking of starting together would never work. Lately though, I have met many guys who actually teach me a lot and who are crazy about God! There is hope people!! There is hope!! ๐Ÿ˜€

What is the point of this post? You may ask ๐Ÿ™‚

This post is for anyone who is growing up feeling a bit lost because of God’s call over your life. Please do not run away from the call. Just surrender to God and He will walk you through each step even the most confusing and painful ones!

It is also for parents. I know in the depths of my heart that some of you reading this will have children that are called of God. The coming generation is going to be FULL of these called out kids. God is doing a new thing! They will be walking in great power and anointing so it is very important for you to sense this call over their lives and help them through it. Be close to them from an early age and allow them to talk to you about all the challenges they face. They will have peculiar struggles because of their call but God will grant you wisdom. Pray for them a lot too and just love them. You will be amazed at what God will do through them.

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Love,

Ndanu

Life is soooo real!!

I must say I have some of the realest people in my life. The kind of real conversations I have with them just remind me of how real life is. Problems are usually faced head on…in a lot of love but still head on. I guess that is why some new people I meet find me a bit too forward or blunt… Those conversations plus situations around me have just got me thinking that life is SO real. It is not a dream, it is not a fairy tale, today will not come back tomorrow, it is not a rehearsal. It is REAL.

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A few weeks ago, some two amazing ladies and I were discussing about pregnancy since one of us is pregnant. We have a relationship where we can ask each other anything and one of the questions we asked was, “How is the sleeping situation now that you are much bigger and the bed is the same size?”. She went on to answer by explaining how they are working around this with her husband. However as she responded, i was hit by just how real life is. She is actually pregnant and among all the things she is dealing with, one of them is that there is smaller sleeping space in their matrimonial bed. lol! ๐Ÿ˜€ How real is that?

Yesterday i was queuing in the supermarket and when it was my turn, the cashier said hello and called me by my name. I was shocked and of course inquired as to how she knew me. She said that she reads my blog. I was even more shocked by that. How could someone know me from this small blog that i write here? It was a sobering reminder that life is real. That people actually do read my stories. That i should not get tired of encouraging people through my writing. That some people actually do relate to my stories. That we should not take lightly whatever we do.

A friend of mine smokes and yesterday i met him just as he was going to smoke. I talked to him and begged him to stop. I saw him struggle to agree because he has probably tried to stop many times before and failed. He knows how bad smoking is for his health but truth is that it is still so difficult to stop. Later in the night he told me that he has decided to surrender his lighter for the next 21 days. I know it is going to be HARD but it has to be done and it can be done. And you know what? If he fails this time, it is also ok. Soon he will succeed and have a story to tell. I am praying for him and reminding him that with God’s enabling, there is nothing that is too hard to achieve! ๐Ÿ™‚

That is my conviction today. That this is real life. It’s like an ongoing reality show. It ain’t going no where so we better face our fears, correct our mistakes, know ourselves better, live through the consequences of our actions with boldness, listen more, laugh louder, love deeper, forgive easy, talk about the things that need to be addressed, say sorry and thank you, stop manipulation and self pity, watch our speech, find our purposes, let each day count and above all else to give ourselves fully to God.

Life is REAL!

Psalm 69:32b

You who seek God, may your hearts live!

Love,

Ndanu