Special Deliveries

I rarely talk about this because half of the people will think I am being proud and the other half will think I am plain crazy! 😀 However, I woke up today and felt a great push to write about it especially for the next generation of this kind.

What is this kind? 😀

I knew God at an early age. Part of this was largely because I was a preacher’s daughter. I and my brothers knew about God, His word, salvation, tongues, miracles etc when we were very young. I remember having to tone down the spiritual stuff when i was in primary school especially at the adolescent age. The first boy I ever liked was in my primary school. I really really liked him and i remember denying that I was saved in front of everyone in my Class 7 East. I did that because i thought it would embarrass him since he was one of the most popular guys in school. He would be the laughing stock in the school if his girlfriend had gone all spiritual 😦 I remember lying in bed that night alone in the dark feeling so guilty about what I had done. I begged God to forgive me and allow me to keep my relationship with Him secret for just one more year. lol! I promised Him that I would live fully for Him when I got to high school. In retrospect, I am amazed at the kind of relationship I had with God. I somehow trusted that He loved me and would understand me. Anyway things did not really work out with the boy and we broke up on the last day of primary school. haha!!

God took our high school agreement seriously! 😀 I was speaking in tongues and casting out demons by the age of 16. A man of God prophesied over my life in a school Sunday service. He talked about people getting healed and delivered while i led worship and I don’t think he had any idea that I could even sing. I started to get words of knowledge especially as I led the rest of the school in worship from Form 3. In form 4 I was the Christian Union Chair lady and God’s power had never been stronger than it was that year. Miracles, signs and wonders to say the least.

I soon realized though that there was a price to pay for this calling. No one had prepared me for this. I was not a ‘normal’ young girl and this was especially evident during the school holidays. I was not really fitting in 100% with my peers. Some of the most hurtful times were during the annual church youth camps. We had a date night that everyone looked forward to. Girls would wait the whole week to be asked out by the guys to be their dates for the dinner. I never once got asked. I came to realize that this was because, as much as I was beautiful, the guys had no idea how to handle me. I was in the youth camp leadership when most people my age were just campers. I was waking up early to attend the morning prayers while most of the other campers were asleep. I was speaking about sexual purity in the evening sessions while people of my age wanted to experiment. Now I see how i must have appeared weird. I could not talk to anyone about this conflict in my heart. Sadly not even my parents. I did not feel like I knew anyone who would totally understand. I wanted to live for God and knew that He had put something special in me but I also needed a mentor or someone to reassure me that I was beautiful, that it was ok not to be ‘normal’, that I would turn out fine. Someone to explain to me what calling was… God ended up being this person for me. He has done a pretty good job so far!

Dating has always been a complicated story for me. After high school and ‘no-date’ camp dinners :-D, I met many guys and there was a spark but when we got to know each other, the problem still remained. My relationship with God was always a hindrance because the guys wanted different things from what I wanted and I knew it would never work… I would be tempted to stop being too serious with God but somehow God always snatched me from those situations just in the nick of time! And I mean just in the nick of time!! 😀

We are told that we have to submit and respect our men but I know that the only way I will be able to do this is if God gives me a man that is ‘higher’ than me. What I mean by higher is he must know God more than I do, he must pray more than I do, he must know the word more than I do… I know all this may sound crazy but it is mandatory for me. Otherwise it will be hard to fully respect and submit myself to him. The bible says in Eph 5: 25-26 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.”

How else is he supposed to do “the washing of water with the word” to me just like Christ did? I see no other way apart from Him being higher than me. And I don’t mean me stopping to grow or pretending that I don’t know much of the word so he becomes higher! 😀

I thought I had found such a guy several years ago so you can imagine the horror in my heart when God said he was not the one for me. I fought with God over that answer for 4 full years until I agreed to let go. I had given up on ever finding a man higher than me. The only ones around me were my pastors, my dad and my brothers! lol! All the other guys just seemed busy with everything else other than seriously growing in God. They seemed to be ok with normal Christianity while I was hungry for deeper and higher! I remember just last year having a hard time explaining to a guy how I was waiting for God to speak before I quit my job. He did not believe that God speaks and just thought I was being a lunatic. This was a confirmation to me that whatever thing we were thinking of starting together would never work. Lately though, I have met many guys who actually teach me a lot and who are crazy about God! There is hope people!! There is hope!! 😀

What is the point of this post? You may ask 🙂

This post is for anyone who is growing up feeling a bit lost because of God’s call over your life. Please do not run away from the call. Just surrender to God and He will walk you through each step even the most confusing and painful ones!

It is also for parents. I know in the depths of my heart that some of you reading this will have children that are called of God. The coming generation is going to be FULL of these called out kids. God is doing a new thing! They will be walking in great power and anointing so it is very important for you to sense this call over their lives and help them through it. Be close to them from an early age and allow them to talk to you about all the challenges they face. They will have peculiar struggles because of their call but God will grant you wisdom. Pray for them a lot too and just love them. You will be amazed at what God will do through them.

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Love,

Ndanu

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