I am an extreme combination of a thinker and a feeler. In simple terms I think and feel a lot about situations or people around me. There are amazing benefits of this but also serious downsides. That however, is a story for another day.

I was thinking about different things a certain morning this week when I remembered a girl I once knew in high school. I have never seen her since we cleared 4th form but my heart went out to her. I hope she is well and she gets to read this someday. “Girl, God reminded me to pray for you this week. My heart aches as I write this but I hope you have been receiving healing in the past 7 years. God loves you! He always has! He asked me to tell your story. It will bring healing to many people! I will keep it anonymous so don’t worry πŸ™‚


I was at the front line in my high school CU committee in 2005 and 2006. Therefore many people came to me for prayer and encouragement. This specific girl slept in one of the rooms on the ground floor like me and she started to talk to me through a note. Notes were a common means of communication in high school πŸ™‚ I remember on her very 1st note she said that I seemed very close to God so she thought I might help pass a message to him. Let me stop here and say that whatever bondage you may be in, opening up to someone is one of the most fundamental steps towards healing. Hiding in our messes is the best way to stay bound. It takes a lot of courage to open up but it is totally important!! I know there are many untrustworthy people around us but if you look carefully, there will always be at least one God-loving person you can talk to. Talk to someone people! Talk! πŸ™‚

She was deep in masturbation. She was so deep inside that she wanted to kill herself. She had tried to end her life severally! 😦 I remember feeling overwhelmed by the information. She would get the urge anywhere, even in a matatu! She felt trapped. She wanted to stop really bad but she could not. After a while we were now talking face to face and I asked her where all this started. She had been raped by a relative when she was a young girl and she had walked in on her parents having sex some years back. These two events messed her up totally and were the root of her bondage. She talked with so much despair in her eyes. I still remember her face. I prayed with her and we talked severally but I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have been of much more help!! 😦 😦 I yearn to know how everything turned out! I hope God will grant me to meet her one day!

Life has brought me several people with the same struggle and an important man of God taught me the following about breaking free from this…

1) You are not alone!
If you are struggling with sexual purity on any level please know that you are not alone. This is something that all human beings struggle with. We have to constantly monitor what we let in to our heads. It is even worse in this age where sex has been commercialized and there is sexual innuendo every corner you turn. It is the one struggle that never really ends. You cannot say that lust will not be something to worry about when you get married. If it is not tamed, it is a threat everyday of anyone’s life. The difference is that some people have managed to conquer it better than others. It is possible to conquer though!! It is possible with the strength that Jesus gives! In summary, there are very many of us working everyday to take control of our sexual drives and desires. To keep ourselves in check! Even David, the man after God’s own heart struggled!! You are not abnormal!

2) There is a root and cause!!
There is something that happened in the past that has caused the predicament you are in now. This could me molestation of sorts, exposure to indecent sexual pictures or something like that. Such events open doors that make one vulnerable to sexual sins of many kinds. Another way to look at it is that the act usually happens when you are in a particular state of mind. It would be advisable to write down for the next several times, what you are feeling or thinking when the urge to indulge comes. You will most likely recognize a trend. You might be under stress, angry or even feeling lonely when it happens. Your body has trained itself to react in a certain way to certain situations. It is possible to unlearn. It is possible to teach your body a different way to react. Adopt a healthy way to respond to stress, anger or pressure.

3) Your sexuality is part of you
David many times in Psalms talks to his heart or his soul.
e.g (Psalm 43:5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God)

In the same way, it is good to have conversations with your sexual self, I don’t know what to call it. It is somewhere inside you. We can call it your sexuality. It is intangible but very alive and well! After my Pastor preached on this, I started talking to that part of me. I may not be in bondage but I get those moments that are normal to all of us. I talk to myself when the thoughts and feelings come. I call her Lady S or something like that πŸ˜€ and tell her something like, “Why do you want to destroy me?” “You must behave yourself!” “Relax Mama!” “Hold your horses!!! All in good time my friend, all in good time!!” LOL! I know it sounds crazy but it really does help! Your sexual self actually listens. I even read scriptures to her when things are really thick!! πŸ˜€ Try it sincerely next time temptation is chasing you and be amazed!

4) Your mind is the main sexual organ
You have heard this many times but it is true! The main part of you that is most affected in sexual sin is your mind. The images of pornography or the memory of any other sinful sexual encounters are saved in the brain. The amount of details that the human brain can remember can shock you! That is why it is so difficult to stop sexual sins. They are embedded in the mind. The only solution for this is ‘the renewal of our minds’ … Romans 12. This is a brain ‘transplant’ of sorts! God is able to do this for us and we must also consciously fill our minds with wholesome things. There is no way round it! Throw away those movies! Block those sites! Drop those friends! The thoughts will not go away immediately but at least you will stop feeding them. The longer they are starved, the weaker the hold they will have on you. Replace that space with the word of God, with wholesome music, with clean books, clean clean clean!! It may even take years but it can be done! Start today!

5) Believe
It will be a difficult journey but I have seen many people healed completely from sexual addictions. Believe that healing is possible and you will begin to get healing. Believe! Believe! Do not let guilt and shame kill you! God’s love for you has never wavered! It is a constant that you can hold on to!!! Get someone to walk with you, be ready to face this big challenge and do not give up!!

Someone needed this post and I am praying for you!!!

Matt 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.



2 thoughts on “Trapped!!!

  1. Awesome Ndanu. I’ve wondered severally how to answer this… now I know what to say… or even do… with or tell Mr S… πŸ™‚

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