I shared about my great hollowness a few weeks ago. My search for purpose. I felt like an empty well ready to be filled. I harbored a great yearning for understanding. A desperate need to know why I walk this earth. Why Yahweh awakes me every morning. I set out to ask God and he gave me a peculiar answer. The first of the many answers i still seek. I am grateful though for that answer so far. A day at a time. I was surprised at your responses about this issue. Most of you are walking the same path. I have been in prayer with some of you and His answers have been flowing. I am encouraged! 🙂
A week after the ‘Purpose’ post (https://semasoulful.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/purpose/), I was having a conversation with God. Yes He speaks!! I ain’t crazy!! LOL!! 😀 I told him that I was ready for His will and He reminded me about my music. I tried to think about the last time i sang and why I had stopped. I realized i rarely sang these days and was surprised by how much i missed it. I remember ending that conversation by asking him to give me a platform to sing if that is what he wanted me to do. To my surprise, the very next day a very good friend of mine called. She had been asked to lead worship at Mavuno downtown for a full month and she needed myself and several other ladies to help her out. I was so amazed by the aptness of the answer and of course I agreed. I thought i was just to be a back up singer but I was shocked to find out that I would have to lead a song each Sunday. Haha! God has a sense of humor! A humongous one sometimes! 😀
The team is made up of ladies only. Girls on the lead guitar, bass guitar, drumset and keys. Girls also leading the worship. An all girls band experience has been out of this world. I had never met any of them before this and I am amazed. They are all gifted and humble. They have restored parts of me that had been torn apart. They encourage me so much!! I lost confidence in my singing abilities a few years ago. I was in a band and the leader and members of the band thought I was inferior…. They showed me in subtle ways that I was not good enough and i stupidly began to believe them. In my many months in that band, i never led a single song. I decided to quit but the discouragement did not quit with me. I carried it unknowingly. I think I only led a song twice in the 2 years since I quit 😦
I do not know why my music is the first thing God is working on but He is and I am co-operating with Him. I have crazy butterflies every Saturday night as I wonder how I am going to lead a song the next morning!! I realize each time that when it comes to leading people into the presence of God all i need to do is know that it is not about me. It’s not about how well I can sing, it’s not about how well i am dressed, it’s not about making impressions but it’s about surrender. I submit to God as soon as I am on that stage and He takes over and does amazing things. Sometimes I feel like part of me steps aside to listen to me sing and I get convinced all over again that there has to be a power greater than myself at work!
To cut this story short, chains of looking down on my gift, chains of fear, chains of pride and discouragement have all been falling off this last 3 Sundays. Next Sunday is the last Sunday at Mavuno and I am not very sure where I will be singing next but one of the things I was born to do is to lead in song and that is what I will be doing as God allows me and gives me the opportunity \o/
If you forget everything I have written, please remember:
1) God is real!!! He communicates all around us. We just need to start asking, seeing and hearing.
2) You were not a mistake! God keeps you alive intentionally. Discover His intentions and LIVE life!
3) Encourage the people around you. Don’t be the reason they quit or the reason they are discouraged!
4) Fear is your greatest enemy. If you know what you need to do, just do it today!
5) Don’t stay down! By all means, find a way to stand up, overcome and keep walking!
I am still asking about my job and I am sure I will have a story to tell soon… 🙂
Let’s keep walking….
1 Tim 1:17
Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.