Heart Matters

I have thought about writing this for a while now. It is a topic affecting many people but I did not want to be misunderstood or pitied. It is not a sickness or a plague but it cannot be ignored either. I was waiting for this season to end then I could talk about it when I was already on the other side! Lol!! However, my heart is full of it tonight and I am convinced that someone needs to hear it now so I will obey and share my heart.
…Being single in my generation….
I have been single for 2 years now and the experience is a rainbow of laughter, criticism, amazing friendships, fears, loneliness, a sort of freedom, an amazing curiosity and self discovery all mashed up! I am a beautiful, intelligent, greatly gifted, God-loving 25year old girl as many of you are. I am referring to both girls and guys. My 2 year journey has been rich! I cannot explain it all here but I will try. I should start with the guy in the office who thinks I can be the best wife in the world. Not a day passes that he does not ask me why I am single. A few weeks ago, he even went to the extent of telling me that being single for me is a waste! That got me thinking a lot. You must understand that these conversations are usually on a light note and that I never take offense. However, this specific statement got me thinking a lot. Was I really created ultimately for a man? Is my amazing-ness a waste if not shared with a man? Can I be truly whole without a man or will I only be viewed as whole when I do become Mrs. Somebody? What if I never get married? How will I feel then? Will something be missing? I still do not have a complete answer to these questions 
I have all these friends always asking me, “…So, any man yet?” or “The way you are glowing there must be a man these days?” or even “You look so good! Who are you dressed up for?” The conversations are always incomplete without a relationship question. I actually find this very funny! The answer is always no and even then some people are never convinced. Takes me back to the question, “Can’t I just glow because I am enjoying being alive?” “Must glowing or the motivation to dress up come from outside of ourselves?” I have my baking, I have my writing, I have my ministry, I have amazing family and friends and God literally makes me glow. He really does! Plus life is very beautiful even when I am single! \o/
My guy friends cannot be forgotten as I speak of my single journey! I find it hilarious how some of them (especially the Christian ones) make sure they refer to me as sister, sis, dada, rafiki etc. They are guarded with so much caution when interacting with me maybe because they know ‘how we single girls are’! LOL!! 😀 Sometimes I even think they are more afraid of themselves than they are of me. I understand them though and I reply with a bro or rafiki too just to keep them at ease. I wish they could see me as a whole person and not simply a single person. I wish they would know that I respect their relationships very much, that I don’t go around shopping for men and that I pray for a relationship that will have a clean slate, a spotless start with Jesus at the centre! Woes of a single girl!! LOL!
Everyone has all sorts of opinions they want to share with me concerning the subject. That I should not have such high standards for my man, that I should not do my masters before I meet him since this might scare him away :-D, that I should pray and fast more for him, that I should not tell a man how much I earn until he ‘is in the box’, that my skirts should be shorter 😀 ….opinions, opinions, opinions. Most of these opinions are shared in good faith but I have just decided to live my life! I am baking more than ever because I enjoy it and it is part of the reason I was created, I am going back to school because I miss school and my writing awaits me, I will keep excelling in whatever I do because I have been taught that I help others to shine by shining too, I will keep loving God and loving people and loving life, I will keep dressing up because like a friend once told me, ‘Life is too short to wear bad clothes!’ 😀 So funny but I actually took it up and ran with it! My man, if at all he is there, will find me LIVING and not just surviving!
I am not saying that I do not miss ‘him’ so much sometimes!! I do! Badly so! Having been in a 4 year relationship before, I know the joy of having that special someone! Someone that you are so insync with. Someone that is committed to you and you alone. Someone that you know will always be FOR you no matter what. Someone that you can talk to about anything under the sun without any worries. Someone who wants to grow old with you. Someone who thinks you are the most beautiful woman in the world. Someone who holds your hand and you just melt inside. Someone you can talk to for 5 hours straight at night on the phone and be so sleepy the next day but not care at all because they are so worth it. Someone you share a CRAZY attraction with. Someone who knows you better than any other living being. Someone just for you. Love is the most amazing thing God created. It is beautiful and I know this full well!
I will share one final thing. I am ambitious and through my businesses and my job I save up a lot. I have a few investments and there was a time last year I was so ready to start paying for a house. I however could only afford a bed sitter somewhere on Mombasa road. LOL! Property in Kenya is so expensive!!! I was so frustrated because I could not help but think of how different the situation would be if I had already met the main man. We could have put our efforts together and started paying for a bigger house. We could have decided on the location, size and cost of a family house together and not a bed sitter in the middle of nowhere 😀 . I actually hesitated because of this. I felt like he would come when I was in the middle of buying a small house that would not necessarily be a waste but I guess you get my point 🙂 🙂 I decided to save up some more! 🙂

heart-art

It is a journey this one! I know all the single people have similar experiences to mine and also unique stories of their own. I believe strongly that this part of our lives is also in the hands of God. I think it is a season and definitely not a disability! Enjoy the journey! My friend got married a few months ago and when I hang out with her recently, she told me something that has changed my life completely! She said, “Ndanu, no one will ever make you completely happy! This husband of mine is amazing but he is still human. He has his flaws and he fails me once in a while. Only God can satisfy anyone of us completely! Find satisfaction in Him and you will walk through life with so much joy and peace” Enough said!! Your life should not be at a standstill because you are single. Keep yourself busy, live your life, keep God close, find wholeness and satisfaction in HIM and keep being your-awesome-self! Inbox me if you need some encouragement. Life is beautiful!! God is good!!

Advertisements

34 thoughts on “Heart Matters

  1. Ndanu you were once my classmate in pango ….am just proud of you!!I felt like you were talking to me…..thanks gal and pretty week ahead

  2. Hey dear, I love and enjoy reading your blog whenever I can. We have to remind ourselves that being single isn’t some sort of deformity and without “your better half” you aren’t complete. Truth is when a man and a woman are joined together in holy matrimony, it’s one complete person being joined to the another complete person. That’s why the bible says “the two become one” and not “one half joined to the other half to make one” . When we fail to realize this we get married to be ‘complete’ and end up being miserable for only Christ can complete us.

  3. Beautiful read. Thank you for opening up your heart and speaking on a matter that very pertinent. For sure as you’ve written, it’s not a disability. Enjoy the baking, writing , singing and all. And I confidently send your married friend, as you get your completeness from God, no human is capable of giving that even a husband.

  4. Pingback: Heart Matters | ofbeautywithpurpose

  5. You nailed it.I reckon this feeling and the pressure from all and sundry,yet I am enjoying each moment.Though I have met the ”Guy” 😉 I am not anxious,I have learnt to present it to God in Prayer and supplication.My mama says,be complete to meet a complete man.I am making the most of my life as well to be complete for Him as well.

  6. Well written gal!
    If I wasn’t sure I haven’t told to you about my story, I’d have sworn you ‘copy-pasted’ it! lolest! That’s how similar this is. I feel as if am reading my own story.
    I have never forgotten how once a ‘brother’ came visiting my then 1 bdrm apartment, and goes like ‘no wonder you can’t get a man if this is how lavish you live!’ i was like huh? Mark you, there was nothing out-of-this-world about my apartment at the time, just the basics. I was so offended I retorted “yaani you are happy when you find a gal in a bed-sitter cooking on a smoky stove and sharing amenities, so that you can feel like you ‘rescued her’?”. This was besides being told that my principles and qualities for a potential hubby were too high up there for me to get one, and i needed to come down. My response, “God doesn’t make mistakes. He knows how He created me and knows that out there, there’s the person who will compliment my ‘high qualities’, …!’ It can get very exhausting and annoying, and am glad that you are not letting this get to you. You don’t want to hear the comments some made when they finally met my husband! (ask me when we hook up…too hilarious!)
    Life’s too short to wear bad clothes! classic parting shot!!

  7. This is beautifully written Ndanu. Loved every bit of it. “My man will find me living not surviving”. That phrase alone is so powerful. Can’t believe am only seeing this now. Continue being blessed luv.

  8. so wonderful.
    a real lesson to many.
    I bless God for that revelation He has given you.
    No wonder, we know where you are now! He came at the perfect time.
    LOL

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s