Love 101

Writing is my outlet. I am like a waterfall with stories demanding to fall! 🙂 I feel like I can paint a somewhat perfect picture of my thoughts and feelings with words. I had a CRAZY day, thoroughly scrubbed myself in the shower immediately i got home and now i sit with my laptop to offload from my heart before I sleep. Fred Hammond’s “Bread of Heaven” playing very softly on repeat. His scrumptious, rustic voice giving my fingers rhythm, helping them to keep in step with my heart beat.

I don’t know where to start. Maybe I should start with the little girl who could not have been more than 4 years. She had severe burns on her arms and other places i did not fully take in. She cried so much as the doctor was attending to her. Her pain was so intense that she cried like a grown up. I don’t know if that makes sense but her cry sounded like that of a grown woman and hearing her made me shrink inside!!

Maybe I should start with the guy who’s bed was right next to ours. He was very dirty and was smelling of concentrated urine. He lay his head on the pillow face down and was bleeding from somewhere on his head, droplets soundlessly hitting the waiting area floor. Or maybe I should start with the woman who single handedly brought her thin, sickly husband to hospital. She got to the hospital at around 8am and was still moving around the hospital at 4pm. I wondered where her children were. They, the children, should be around 30 years now judging from her age. Or, should I start with the young man who had been a victim of mob justice and his dad was shouting at him about the unnecessary costs he brought on the family with this hospital visit. Do you realize that even thieves belong to families? They have dads who care enough about them to bring them to hospital after they have stolen and been beaten up… Ain’t life just plain INTERESTING?!! I think i’ll start with the young man who was vomiting a green slimy liquid that i could not bear look at twice. On second thought, i will not start with any of these people…..

A hospital is a humbling place to be. The air of despair and helplessness can be overwhelming but in the midst of all this craziness i experienced today, I learnt the true definition of love! Love is not only the balloon feeling you get when you are in love!:-)  You know that weak in the knees and slightly breathless shenanigans? 😀 I think that could be part of it but i saw another side of this love coin today. The side seldom talked about. The side we often forget about. God decided to teach me today. He said, “Baby girl, you think you really know what love is? Let me show you what Love really is? You got to have a mature, sacrificial love Baby girl! When you have this kind of love, then you have MY kind of love! I will love through you today Baby girl!! Watch and learn!!!” 🙂

Love is immediately accepting(at 10pm) to be in Athi river at 6am the next day because your newly found friend needs you. Love is having a sleepless night (not sleeping at all) worrying about your friend and the 6am need she has. Love is leaving the house very early on Sunday morning with a headache from the sleepless night but happy all the same. Love is refusing to cry when you finally meet your friend and she is crying but you can see in her eyes that she needs you to be strong for her. Love is sitting with her silently for a while because in that silence everything is said. Love is standing for hours at the Kenyatta National Hospital admission place with no food in your system. Love is taking your friend to the hospital bathroom (because she can’t take herself) and leaving there with shoes totally wet with strangers’ urine and many other unmentionable things. Love is staying with those shoes the whole day and not throwing up like you would on a normal day. Love is sitting in the waiting room for more than 6 hours, a waiting room with no windows, a waiting room with more than 40 people, a waiting room smelling of sweat, medicine, blood, urine all put together. Love is being ready to empty your bank account to foot the crazy hospital bill because money is just paper any way!! Love is praying in tongues with your girls and finally letting the tears fall there at the waiting room and allowing God to use you even when other people probably think you are insane. Love is breaking out into song at that crowded waiting room just to make your friend smile. Love is feeling your heart soar just because you’ve seen her smile for the 1st time in the last 13hrs. Love is walking home after such a long day and realizing that you would no doubt do this again tomorrow if need be and that there is no where else you’d have preferred to be this day than there with your friend and the family, loving them! Walking home slowly with tears in your eyes because you feel so loved!! Realizing the absurd fact that all the loving you need sometimes is being allowed to love someone else wholeheartedly. That in them allowing you to love them deeply they are actually loving you! That in receiving your love, they have shown you deep love!! A beautiful irony!! Spectacular!!

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Yahweh is the amazing teacher! He is unchanging! Ever faithful and true!! So real!!! Thank you for loving me with all my faults! Help me love like you do! Heal my friend too and everyone i saw in pain today!! 

Love,

Ndanu.

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The Human Heart

Kids

I woke up early today to decorate a black forest before church. That went well but took a bit longer than expected so I had to prepare for church faster than usual. I left the house looking nice 🙂 with a 2kg cake in hand. I hate missing the Praise and Worship session at church and that is why I was in such a hurry. I catch a matatu immediately I get to the stage and i sit in the front seat with the driver and a tout who usually says hi to me every single morning. Before i continue, i need to introduce this young tout to you….

I do not know his name but he started saying hello to me every single morning since I cut my hair. I leave the house for work at 7am every morning and as I walk past a matatu terminal close to my house, this guy always says “Sasa Mrembo!” Of course, like most girls, i fear these nairobi touts. You never want to get too familiar with them because they are known to be rough, crazy drunkards. However, for some reason, i always respond to his greeting. He is respectful and happens to just like saying hello to me. He never asks for my number which is very cool!! Let’s call him Oti. 🙂

…So Oti is in the matatu that i want to board this morning and he is seated at the front sit, him and the driver. When he sees me, he insists that I sit at the front. I am not very comfortable with this suggestion but I agree so he holds the cake for me as i enter the mat and he gives it back when i am settled. Such a gentleman! God bless his soul. I say hi to him and the matatu starts to move. I open my bag to respond to a whatsapp message and it hits me there and then that i changed bags and forgot to transfer money from the bag i used yesterday to today’s small clutch bag. I start to panic and I want to alight so i can go back home and get some money. I speak aloud to myself and Oti hears me. I am trying to tell the driver to stop the matatu so I can alight but Oti says that he will pay today. I am hesitant but he insists and by now the matatu has moved a long distance. I am left without a choice but in great awe of life and how things turn out. Oti pays for my trip to church and from church. I am greatly humbled and all i could tell him is thank you.

All this reminded me of an incident 2 weeks ago. I boarded a bus with my sister in law and we were so deep in conversation that when we got off the bus, i forgot my phone in the matatu. I realized that i did not have my phone when i got home and as is typical of nairobi people, i knew i would never get it back. However, around 11pm my dad receives a call from a guy who says that he was the tout in the bus and that he had my phone and wanted to give it back. Can you believe that he gave it back and I have it right now?

I have a new renewed hope in human beings. Small and big alike! I learn’t a new never to look down on anyone. The human heart is naturally evil but there are as many truly good souls as there are bad ones. I want to respect and show God’s love and compassion to everyone i come across in this life. You never know who will come through for you when you are in great need like I was this morning.

God bless Oti and all other cool souls all over the world!
Yaaay!!!

 

Life Beats…

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I am writing this post in a matatu. First time ever to do this. I have been stuck in traffic for more than an hour. I had a long day supervising some work, I have a bad headache, I also have a cake order due tomorrow morning but I might just let this one pass… Too tired for even my favorite heart work!! Art work!!

Everyone is excited about the year ending and there is a big fuss about Christmas everywhere! I know too that there are others who are jittery about a new year. 2013 seems to have outrun many. Many pending tasks, many dreams that have remained just that, DREAMS! Many bleak souls that are not ready for yet another year…

I personally am stuck in between. I feel like a Vienna between the year that has been and the year 2014 that is pregnant with greatness for me! Sandwiched between the sweet familiar 2013 and the uncertain and unfamiliar and totally fresh 2014. I suppose Peter of the bible felt like this in the seconds between his feet on the safe boat surface and his feet on the cold, unfamiliar and seemingly dangerous water surface!! Keeping his eyes on the maker of the sea kept him afloat. Focusing on the architect of time should keep me afloat too!!

Many of you feel me!! What uncertainties do you carry around about all this new year, old year stuff? Do you feel unready or ill-prepared for 2014? You are not alone and you need not worry! Let’s face it, we did not keep ourselves alive everyday of 2013!! We did not get ourselves home safe everyday this year!! There are times when we thought we wouldn’t make it through some madness but here we are. Let’s put on thankfulness, enjoy family, friends and Grace for the next 15 days! God has been good!

He will be good in the next year and the next and the next! 

He LOVES you immensely!!!!!!

\o/