Three Point Turn

Failure is a painful thing. Whether in an exam, in business, in relationships or life in general, no one enjoys to fail. This pain and disappointment is worse when you fail more than once. I am not talking as one who has never failed. This month has been the most trying month this year. I was tested to the point of nearly breaking. See, I have been driving without a driving license for a while and I decided to finally go to driving school before the year ends. I enrolled in October in the best driving school (AA), paid an arm and a leg and went through 30 thorough driving lessons. I studied the road signs and soaked them up like a sponge and my teacher was happy with my driving skills. I was  pretty confident about the driving exam when the day came and I aced the theory as expected. However, when we got to the practical, the police officer was shouting at me and i could not think. I froze, blundered and failed! That was on the 5th of November.

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I was very disappointed because I have never really failed an exam before and to make matters worse I had told everyone about the exam so everyone kept calling ready to congratulate me for obviously passing :-P!! Haha! That is not even the worst part. I went back the next week to re-do the exam and I failed again. Do you know how it feels to have something unfinished hanging over your head for so long? It’s a very bad feeling. You have half a smile, you start to laugh but cut it short when you remember the exam, you remember the exam when you wake up in the middle of the night….. The feeling sucks!

I cried after that 2nd failure. I asked God what this was all about. Who fails a driving exam twice? Who? How could i face my parents and explain that i failed again? How could i face those police examiners for a 3rd time? I was so stressed!! 😦 I lost weight in a week and always carried around this knot in my heart. My good friend Mwango came to the rescue! She took it upon herself to look for a manual car and for the following 2 Sunday afternoons i drove with her for long hours. She made me start and stop the car like a hundred times. She made sure that I booked the exam and not postpone it til next year like I wanted to. Friendship re-defined!! She literally was my strength during that difficult time of my life! I thank God for her. I hope to be that firm friend to someone. Friendship that moves mountains!

Exam day came yesterday. I was a nervous wreck that morning but I had to face my fear! (Notice the difference in attitude between the 1st exam day and this 3rd time. Failure has a way of messing with your confidence!!! **sigh**!!) Mwango whatsapped me a ‘do not forget list’ LOL!! 😀 I had read those road signs so many times, they made me sick! I got to the location of the exam very early and I was 5th in line for the theory exam. I was praying while lining up. I asked God to remind someone to pray for me. God reminds me to pray for people all the time but this time I was the one in need. I needed a sign and right there a friend in Korea sent a message asking how I was. That was exactly the encouragement I needed. He did not know it but he was an answer to prayer. I asked him to pray for me and he did! Thanks Jawara. It was a miracle process from then on. I got the peace I needed and passed both exams.

I am happy and I want to encourage everyone reading this. I don’t know what hard times you are going through but I know this, that it shall pass. Life is in THE JOURNEY. Learn all you need to learn from the experience, let God love on you through the pain like He loved on me through Mwango and Jawara, hang in there and try again!! Do not give up! Come out stronger, better and with a story to tell!

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Food for thought – “God did not take Daniel out of the lions den, he just shut the lions’ mouths…”

Love,

Ndanu

:-*

 

 

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White is the new Red!!!!

I died a little inside every time I discovered that one of the men in my life had been lured into her laps. You see, her name is pornography. She is quite something. She looks appealing at a glance or from a distance but she is plain ugly up close. She entices them from every corner, the girl reading the news, the girl on the advert, the girl on the street and sadly even their own girlfriend. The men are dragged slowly to the slaughter where their freedom and will power are chopped off piece by piece. Soon they are trapped and hollow on the inside. They want to stop visiting the dead sites but even when they stop the dead pictures from the sites keep coming back. Haunting their minds like ghosts from the past. They are entangled in her claws. They are helpless and empty and guilty and still expected to be the head in their homes both present and future! L You see why I die?

I believe though that white is the new red

There is this girl of mine: she is totally awesome but she carries around hurt. Hurt from men she once trusted. Hurt birthed from disappointment. Hurt born out of uncertainties of this life. Hurt from the guilt of her own mistakes. She tries to be ok but her laugh misses a certain echo that once was. Her giggle is incomplete. There is no longer that sparkle in her eyes. She lived with hurt so long that she forgot she is hurting. She’s grown numb. Pain is part of her. It’s now nearly the same colour as her brown skin. I am hopeful though..

Because white is the new red

My friend’s dad got retrenched when he was young. They lost everything because life just got more and more cruel as years went by. The car was the first to go, then the house and soon after the dignity and worst of all, out went the HOPE. Hope for tomorrow, hope for better, hope for change. His father ran to the beer bottle to numb himself, to mask the pain and soon he could not stay a day without the numbness. He gave up on life and on his family. Moving on from this kind of pain seems impossible.

But, white is still the new red

What’s your RED? Is it a broken heart, a broken family, fighting parents, addictions, hopelessness, brokenness, feelings of inadequacy, a self esteem that is even non existant? Do you feel tired, is your heart shrinking, do you need some purpose, do you need to come alive, do you feel lonely even in a crowd, do you have a medical condition, do you cry yourself to sleep, do you smile with your lips while the rest of you is secretly falling apart, does life simply suck, do you need to forgive someone, do you feel trapped, have you given up, do you want to kill yourself sometimes?

I have been down. I have sunk to the depths. Tears, bitterness, hurt, despair, sickness, pain, sin and all things ugly but He rescued me. I struggle since am still mortal but He keeps me afloat. Now I laugh, I love, I live. See, My God is The Life so I choose to live, He gives Joy so I keep laughing  and He is Love and has loved you and I tremendously unconditionally, eternally. He is real and what he promises is real. I now know peace.

I do not know what your life is like right now but it is not by mistake that you are reading this. There IS a God. He says, “Isaiah 1: 18 Though your sins are as red as scarlet, they will be whiter than snow.

Zeph 3: 17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

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Everyone needs compassion
Love that’s never failing
Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save

Forever, author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

My Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save

Forever, author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

He has conquered your grave

Whatever your grave

He has conquered your grave

                                                                                          What is your grave?

Runaway Bride

Two posts in the same week!! Haha!! My soul is full indeed. \o/

This conviction has been tugging at my heart since Saturday. God put it in me several years ago, reminded me of it through my friend Mwika this past Saturday and tested me on it this week.

Have you ever thought about why God compares our relationship with Him to that of a bride and a groom or to marriage? I have been thinking about it and I am sure there are many reasons for this but the one in my heart today is the – love, commitment and forever- in marriage. As God designed it, marriage should be for forever. When 2 people say I do to each other, they have forever as their goal. They work on their relationship and stick through thick and thin. They fight, have misunderstandings, disagree but always work things out because it’s a FOREVER kind of relationship. A wife does not move out of the matrimonial home after every argument.

You are probably wondering where I am going with this. I am struggling too but there is a point. Please bear with me 🙂 🙂

I live in a generation that does not have the FOREVER view of marriage. Love is no longer as serious a commitment as it used to be. This in turn has affected our relationship with God. We love Him and are loyal to Him when things are going our way. His praises are continuously on our lips during good times. However, we find it hard to trust Him in the storm. We throw tantrums and step back into the dark to “get back at Him” for not giving us that man, that job, that girlfriend, that promotion, that visa…..

Life can be very hard sometimes but God wants us to talk to Him when we are soaring high and even when we are deeply stuck in the mud. The same way couples sit down to talk about their pain is the same way God wants to hear about our pain and also talk to us and take us through the pain. He loves us unconditionally and says that His love is from everlasting to everlasting. His love has no beginning or end. He loves us now and forever. Imagine if we learn’t to do the same; to love Him in laughter and also in PAIN. If we could allow Him to comfort us in our pain, to provide for us in our lack, to love us in our loneliness, to heal us in our sicknesses and give us His peace when things make no sense. To trust that He has a plan for us that is always for our GOOD!!

Job 13:15

Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him.

Job 2:10

Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

What kind of relationship is this that Job had with God? He remained faithful even after EVERYTHING was taken away from him. God was there for him throughout his pain, God knew that Job could handle the ordeal and that’s why He allowed it. God can never allow anything to happen to us that we cannot handle. The problem is that we consider Him the enemy and give up even before the trial accomplishes what it was meant to. Little do we know that we have no one rooting for us, believing in us, loving us, protecting us, ready to die for us more than God is!!!

There is something I was trusting God for this week. It is extremely important to me and I needed it desperately. He did not give it to me and I was in so much pain. I know that He has a plan for good even in this situation. I decided to tell Him about it and to continue trusting Him. This has helped me not to be bitter and He is walking with me in this storm. I have His peace. That peace that surpasses all human understanding!!

God help us to trust you at all times. Help us to open our hearts to you so You can be I AM to us at all times. Help us to know that you are not afraid to hear our questions and complaints about this life because at least we are talking to you and not locking you out or destroying our lives trying to get back at You. Give us this consistent and FOREVER kind of love for you so in turn we can experience the fullness of Your love!

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Peace

🙂

 

 

Building or Breaking? O_o

Mouth

This is not even what I wanted to blog about when I really wanted to write yesterday…. A sort of overtaking happened.
It seems like since I cut my hair, people are more willing to share their thoughts with me. I don’t mind listening to people’s thoughts and opinions about anything they care to share. The problem is when the thoughts are brutal, when they are declared in coarse words acting as daggers, arrows, spears and stones. These words leave wounds, holes and discomfort. See, in the last three months I have received such harsh comments mostly about my hair and also my life in general.
I am usually not concerned about people’s words but when they are thrown at you over and over again from every direction then you start to slowly notice them. This has me thinking a lot about how powerful words are. How careful I’m I with my words? Do I carelessly give my opinion when it’s just that, an opinion!? Do I ask myself how my words will benefit anyone that hears them? Have I broken someone with my words without knowing it?
“You cut your hair and now you look so bad!!”
“You look too thin with short hair!! Why did you cut it?”
“Your turban looks bad. It used to look full and nice when you had hair”
“How did you lose your phone? This is the second time. You are so careless” (Not to mind that I have never lost my phone before and anyone can lose a phone no matter how careful you are)
“You have become so dark!!”
…..and many more such comments….
Do we have to tell people what we do not like about them? My thought is, maybe if it’s something to do with their character or if they are in habits that can destroy them then we can tell them. However, we do not add any value when we go tearing people down about things that are really not important.
I am not saying that we should like everything about everybody, I am sure there are things that people do not like about us as well. We are all beautifully different. Imagine a world where everyone told everyone else what they did not like about them. It would be chaotic!!
Lord help me and everyone who reads this blog to weigh our words before they leave our mouths.
Help also those who are nursing wounds from people’s careless words to heal, to forgive and to move forward!
Col 4:6
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Matt 12:36
But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.

So help me God!

My God is REAL.

My phone was stolen like 10 days ago. I was very angry at the thief because thieves reap where they have not sown. I had bought the phone from a friend of mine for 10,000/- and it was in top condition. It was such a good deal!! \o/ I was not planning to buy a phone in the near future because I have many other priorities, many!!! ..So that fateful Sunday after we had spoken at a high school with some friends of mine, prayed over the kids and seen God’s power come down, my phone was stolen on our way home. Loosing my phone hit me hard, i wrestled with God as to why He would allow such a thing immediately after I had served Him so diligently.

I hated the thief so much for a while but I decided to forgive him and to stop replaying the moment in my head. I let the phone go and accepted my ‘mulika mwizi’ phone. I was not on whatsapp and I did not have the instant internet convenience that i had with my other phone. I thanked God that I was alive and asked Him to do with my life whatever He wanted!

Here is the good part!!! :

This morning I got to the office and my friend came to me with a phone in his hand. It is exactly the same make as the one I lost. He recently bought a very expensive phone and this one has just been lying around in his house. He gave it to me and wished me a early “Happy Birthday”. I was so amazed!! So amazed!!! I am still absorbing what happened. I told him a big thank you and I am still laughing at how God works.

I am grateful that I did not have to use a cent to replace what the locust had stolen.

May God replace whatever it is you have lost in your life! May He restore your marriage, your business, your children, your joy, your hope and purpose, your broken heart, your health and everything else you have been asking of Him!!

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He is Jehovah Rohi – God our Shepherd!!!