Lifeline!!! :-)

The past few days have been crazy for Kenya and also for me in my personal life. Life can get deeply difficult sometimes and it’s easy to sink and finally drown. It’s easy to die inside while a fake smile remains on our faces. It’s easy to laugh when in a crowd and cry all night alone. It’s easy to lose hope and become a zombie. A mobile tomb. A life-less yet living soul. These extents are very easy to reach!! Believe me!!

I realized though that God gives us life lines to keep us afloat every single day. We all have life lines despite the pain, the sickness, the disappointments, the uncertainties, the pressure…. The problem is that we do not recognize these lifelines. They are small every day bliss es that can go un-noticed. I decided to notice them and I was and still am amazed!!

Writing this is my life line. Writing makes me feel alive! It’s like a glass of water on a hot day under this Nairobi sun. It’s like a glimpse of heaven πŸ™‚

Baking for my desk mate was such a life line for me today. Surprising her and seeing her feel special!! Such an amazing feeling!!

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Talking to my eldest brother about some decision I need to make was my life line yesterday.He is a wise man!! Cool, calm and wise!

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Ciku calls me beautiful every time we talk and this has been a life line each time.

I laughed til I criedΒ  when I saw this photo and that was such a life line!! My desk mate found it funny too and we were nearly rolling on the floor πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€

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The everyday walks to town from work are such a life line. I like how I can get into my own world and think, pray, listen to music or just be silent as I walk.

The pink shoes and scarf today are my life line. They look so cute and the warm pink is giving me a nice, cosy feeling despite the weather.

My friend Isaiah Maghanga was in the area and decided to pop into my office just to say hello! Such a sweet gesture and an awesome lifeline for me.

My friend and workmate Mwango is an amazing lifeline. I am assured of a great laugh every time I am with her. Our conversations are soul full!! I am yet to meet someone that I can be so REAL with! She has taught me about love, about loyalty, about dreaming big, about friendship… Life is no longer black and white to me like it used to be.

A song posted by Joy Waleghwa on facebook yesterday became a lifeline for me. She probably has no idea that my heart was a glowing yellow after i listened to the song! Overcomer by Mandisa πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ \o/Β  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b8VoUYtx0kw

My hair is growing so fast and I marvel every morning as I comb it. This growth has reminded me that as long as we are alive we are growing. We can become better, we can correct our mistakes, we can laugh harder, we can forgive, we can change careers, we can say sorry, we can stop that habit… We are alive!! Such a lifeline!!! \o/ Soon I will have my afro back!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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God is my lifeline! His unwavering love for me, His unshakeable self, His promises to me, that He has forgiven me for every single thing, that He never gives up on me, that He strengthens me those days I have zero strength left, that He has all things under control, that He has a master plan for my life, that He is always with me…

Open our eyes to see all the lifelines you have given us Lord so we may walk in faith, in hope and in love!!!

Life is extremely beautiful from where I am standing!

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Prayer Room

Today i got to the office very early and decided to pop in to CITAM Valley Road to pray! I was eager to get into the presence of God. I wanted nothing in particular this morning, just to to love on Him and let Him refresh me:-) I found a corner at the balcony and as i settled down to pray i heard a male voice deep in prayer. He was praying very loudly. I thought I could still pray despite the ‘noise’ but i ended up listening to his prayer. He was greatly distressed and I could not ignore his earnest plea. His prayer went something like this, “….Lord i detach myself from Sarah. Any illegal ties that were created during our affair, I detach myself from them. Have mercy on me Lord. Heal me from lust! Let my mind focus on your word! I detach myself from her! I detach myself from her! I detach myself from her. I do not want to sin against you anymore. Deliver me from adultery and fornication! Give me peace Father! Please give me back my peace! I want to worship you again. Detach me from her! Forgive me Father!….”

I could not see him and I did not even try to look. I was drawn in by his pain and slowly I began to pray for him. My heart literally carried him and I asked God to forgive him and give him the peace that he greatly desired. The peace that surpasses all human understanding! He left after around 30 minutes and I was left thinking about him, about what sin does to us and about God. What sin does is to destroy us and steal our peace. It could be fun at first but when we have both our feet inside it, when it has sucked the life out of us, when roles have changed and we have no more control over it, when it has mastered us, then it is not fun anymore 😦 This is especially so for sexual sins! There is something about sexual sin that is just “deadly”! Even Paul warns against it;

1 Cor 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

The effects of sexual sin are so difficult to overcome but there is hope in our God! Who is like our God? He is able to bring healing! It may take time but it is possible! Nothing is impossible with our God! He parted the red sea and in the same way He can separate us from our sin! Psalm 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
His love for us is unfathomable! He loved this guy before he slept with Sarah and loved him the same after he did. He is an awesome God! Of course God wished that the sin did not happen but His love is unconditional and everlasting. I am sure the healing began during our prayer today! I will add this ‘stranger’ to my prayer journal. Heal him Lord, restore him to yourself, fill him with your peace and in so doing glorify Yourself my King!!

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This is my God

Today, I am thinking of this God of mine! Yahweh! He is truly amazing! He listens to our thoughts. Thoughts that are inside. Thoughts that have not been voiced at all. Thoughts that nobody knows of. These thoughts include prayers. I have a prayer that I need him to answer before the end of this week. I made it earnestly to him this morning. I made it in my heart and was immediately aware of His listening heart. I have realized that sometimes I don’t have to voice my prayers. The Lord can hear my thoughts, my longings, my desires and my worries. This does not only show me how powerful He is but also how intimate He is. His all-knowing self makes me feel that I cannot hide anything from him. The fact that He knows everything that emanates from me while it’s still IN me is amazing.

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I used to find it offensive and disarming. How can ‘someone’ know everything about me? Can I choose what I want Him to know, what I need to work on a bit before I let Him know and even what I would never ever want Him to know? Nothing is hidden from Him! It’s not the 1st time I have felt disarmed. A while back I was learning about God’s Grace. That He loves me and that there is nothing I can do to make Him love me more. That doing good or bad does not make Him vary His love for me. That He loved me before I knew Him. That His love is unconditional, incomprehensible and everlasting! Absorbing this truth made me feel like I was powerless. Powerless in that i could not earn His love by doing things! It has taken a while to let this truth transform me. I serve Him because He is worthy of Praise and not to get Him to love me more or do me favors. He still loves me and favors me nonetheless.

I am beginning to find all this comforting. Yahweh, understands me, knows me completely and still loves me all the same. I cannot put-up a perfect front with Him. He teaches me to be MYSELF with Him, to be honest about my fears, my feelings, my desires, my shortcomings, my insecurities… because He knows themΒ  already. Accepting this lesson is helping me to be more real with where I am right now and allow Him to work on making me better! I am a work in progress!

Incomparable, unchangeable,
You seen the depths of my heart and You love
Me the same, You are amazing God
You are amazing God

πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚