Thoughts of Yesterday, Today and Forever

Yesterday

I made mistakes yesterday,

I wish I could forget yesterday,

I hurt someone yesterday,

I was confused yesterday,

Yesterday was dark.

Today

Today I laughed,

I thought about decisions made yesterday,

I realize I would make them again,

The decisions brought me back to life,

Maybe I should be sad but am not,

I am happy.

Not guilty,

Happy.

Not hurt,

Happy.

Not worried,

Happy.

Not rich,

Happy.

Not confused anymore.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow looks beautiful from where I am standing.

Hope keeps me happy.

Hope keeps me sane.

Hope keeps me moving ahead and not behind.

Yahweh is the same Yesterday, Today and Forever

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Of health, mercy and life!!

I walk down from work to town every single day. It is a good time to exercise, think, unwind, sing, listen to music, marvel at our city and just enjoy me time. Yesterday during my walk I noticed something that made me extremely remorseful ;-(

There is this lady cripple that I see near Serena every evening. There is usually a wheel chair next to her, while she is seated on the hard and tarmacked pedestrian path. She is always there whether it’s raining, or it’s as hot as it is now. Despite being like 30 years old, she is as small as a 2 year old, very skinny and can’t really talk. Her limbs are too weak to support her frame and I did not even know she could move until I saw her crawling yesterday. I saw her from a distance in the middle of the path. This was unusual because usually she is on the side, seated. Yesterday I could see her making some movement as I approached. I wondered what was happening and it only hit me when I got close. She had frailly crawled to the middle of the path to go for a short call. My heart sank! I wondered how much she has gone through in this life. So much that “susu’ing” in front of people in broad day light was no big deal.

I passed by, having so many thoughts in my head! I tried to remember all the hard times I have gone through in this life and I am sure nothing can come close to what that girl has been through. I know it sounds cliche when someone says that we should count our blessings but it’s not cliche!! It is so true!

I am alive! I have a sound mind! I am in good health! All my limbs are strong and intact! My eyes are ok and I can see clearly! I can hear..music, sounds, birds, laughter! I can talk and sing and dance and jump and run and anything else I can think of. I am blessed!

You are blessed too! Extremely so! Let us stop complaining and making excuses! We have all we need, to be everything we were created to be! We are alive!!

Have an awesome weekend people! 🙂

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Verbalized Awesomeness

Yesterday someone sent the text below to me:

“Hey Ndanu! Trust you are well. Thought so much of you leo its only fair that i let you know. God loves you! dearly so! … He’s put so much in you… you are wonderful!!! Praying for you! Good night. “

It felt good to be reminded of how blessed I am. As if to make sure I understood the lesson well enough, today I witnessed another situation. I noticed that my colleague had a very nice shirt and I told  him. He was so happy and said, “I wish someone would tell me that every morning! I would be so psyked for everyday!”

These 2 incidences got me thinking of how human beings constantly need re-assurance. You might be the most confident person on earth but once in a while you need a reminder of your gifts, your strengths, your positive side e.t.c. There is nothing wrong with this. It is normal.Image

Of course extremes are unhealthy, so I am not saying that we walk around seeking people’s approval and love. It is impossible for other people to see and appreciate what you cannot see and appreciate in yourself. We have to see and appreciate ourselves first then make sure we have people around us who not only point out our weaknesses in love but also celebrate our strengths. People with hands strong enough to clap for others!

We should also not keep good comments to ourselves. If we think something is good, we should say it the same way we are eager to point out bad things. That comment could be the only appreciation they have received in months or even years. That comment could be the one to give renewed hope, renew one’s strength and simply put a smile on another person’s face.

#Team verbalized awesomeness#

Don’t Judge Me

I am afraid that I have been played!!! Played by society! Played by my friends!! Played! Played! Played! I have simply been had!! And you know what? You have probably been had too. How? You ask. Let me try to explain…

I used to be very vocal about sexual purity in the church. “Sex in the Temple”!! I used to encourage myself and everyone I could, to keep ourselves pure until marriage. This is until many friends of mine and youth from church and many fellowships I belong to became pregnant outside of the marriage bed. I felt hurt, confused and cheated. I thought we were on the same path, struggling to wait until we got married. I was given the “don’t judge people look” when I got shocked to learn that my fellow worship leader or prayer partner was pregnant. I marveled at everyone saying congratulations and no one asking what happened. Slowly I stopped talking about purity and started to be “more understanding”. I told myself that salvation is personal, so my agreement with God is what mattered. I was even more shocked to find out only last week that I was beginning to think that maybe it is not possible to wait until marriage.

All this is until a few weeks ago when I met one Eva Kemunto Mageto for dinner. She took me through her journey with her man and the purity that they have held on to through the Grace of God, and you know what? I feel like I was resurrected!! They reminded me that it DOES MATTER to God. Purity is actually at the core of his heart! He has spoken endlessly in His word about his expectations of His children in regards to sex before marriage and keeping the marriage bed undefiled in marriage. He has an opinion and a clear one!! All these reminders have produced a new reverence for Him and the subject at hand.

It is not my place to judge! I have not and will not do that!! However, I will expect my born again friends and more so myself to wait until marriage. I will therefore unashamedly continue to get shocked when a baby appears and we were praying together and sharing a month ago. Forgive me if the congratulations is not easily forthcoming. It is nothing personal! It’s just me trying to figure out where we lost our own. Me crying within, wondering where my friend is with God. Have you guys(my friend and God) talked about what happened? 

I will continue to show love to my friends who have sex and beautiful babies outside of the marriage bed because God loves them more than anything in the world!! However, I will not be ashamed to or shy away from celebrating PURITY!! It is beautiful, it is honorable in God’s sight and it is possible!!!!! woohooo!!! 

This week I celebrate Eva and her man. On friday I will attend the wedding and dance like a crazy woman in celebration of what God can do if we allow Him to work in us!! Thank you Lord for the resurrection!

I am encouraged and humbled!!

Love,

Ndanu

Third Parent Concept

I have always felt like I had a 3rd person bringing me up apart from my 2 parents. Truth is many people have told my siblings and I how lucky or blessed my parents are to have brought up such well behaved children. None of us have dropped out of school, none of us drink or smoke weed, school grades are good, talents abound, leadership follows us around and in short we stand out wherever we are placed…..all the 4 of us in our own different ways. Of course none of us is perfect and all of us have messed up several times but in the society’s standards we are the perfect children (Apart from the dreadlocks of course which is a story for another day 🙂 ). Many ask my parents how they did it so they can try the same on their kids.

These comments got me thinking and God showed me this “Third Parent Concept”. He humbled me with the following teaching!! He took me step by step through my childhood until now and for sure there is no way my parents could have done it alone. It is not a wisdom of their own. It is not their prowess. It is not their strength that has brought my siblings and I this far.It is this 3rd unseen parent whose wisdom, prowess and strength are the reason we are ALIVE and well.

Maybe I should start with the fact that my dad is a pastor and he used to earn around 6,000 bob until I was 7 years old. However, the church used to pay rent for our family. We lived in a 3 bed roomed house in an ok estate those days. Providence! We went to public schools but the 3rd parent gave us quick understanding and grades were good most of the time. My parents could not afford private school, rent in a posh estate, fancy clothes and all that but 3rdparent’s grace abounds!!

My dad lost his job in the church through very fishy circumstances and in a few days he was jobless. He was stressed as head of the family and you know what he did? He went away for a week or so alone to seek the 3rd parent’s face in prayer and you know what? He came back with an answer. You see like in the case of Joseph of the bible, God had orchestrated the events leading to losing his job in order to bring greater things his way. A few days after dad came back from prayer he got wind of an assistant chaplaincy job at Daystar. He applied and voila… he got it. You will come to see in a few minutes how 3rd parent was taking care of us kids in His plan.

Around 17 years later, 3 of us are Daystar graduates and last born is soon approaching. You see 3rd parent gave Dad favor at His job and he was promoted to senior chaplain and now senior lecturer. That is not the most interesting part.The most interesting part is that because of his long tenure, all of his kids got 100% tuition at Daystar. Dad just paid transport for us and few thousands each semester. We see now that losing his job was for him to get a job at Daystar and in that way our university education, which he would not have otherwise afforded, was sorted! A case of 3rd parent seeing the end from the beginning!!!

My parents had no idea that once I was a troubled child crying myself to sleep. My parents had no idea that a boy broke my heart once when they called me ugly. My parents had no idea that a man was pestering me for sex a while back. My parents had no idea that I once wanted to quit school so bad! My parents were not with me in a foreign land for the 1 year I was away…..My point is that parents are human. They are mortal. They make mistakes. They cannot be everywhere at the same time. They cannot read my mind. All they did is pray endlessly for us, advice, punish, provide the best they could and leave the rest to the 3rd parent. He is the one who took me through all the above crazy circumstances and many more. He healed my broken heart, he told me that I was beautiful over and over again, He helped me say NO to that pestering man, He kept me safe and sane in a foreign land, He has made me the woman I am today. I thank my parents for introducing me to this 3rdparent! It is the best parenting they ever did!! God bless their souls!

Current and future parents, you think you can raise your kids without this 3rd parent? You think having lots of money is all you need to raise good kids? You think your kids are doomed because you lost your job? You think all the books and magazines you have read on parenting are enough to bring up your kids well? You think private schools (in themselves)give your kids understanding? Well I dare say that you are wrong. Commit your kids to 3rd parent, pray for them and with them every day, introduce them to 3rd parent and He will work all things for your good and your family’s. Do not give up on your kids even when things are difficult. Do not worry if you do not understand them. My parents do not understand me many times but 3rd parent understands me and deals with me every single time. You see, “Ameniweza”. All my mum needed to do after she had done all the talking and punishing and it was not working, was to pray for me and I would come along with time.

Children are a gift from God and if you allow Him, He will take care of them when you cannot. You see He is all powerful! He is all knowing! He is omnipresent! He is unchangeable! He is unshakeable! He is unstoppable!  He is enough! He’s got you! 🙂

Yahweh has been and still is my 3rd parent! 🙂

SLOW GENERATION

I am in a mat one early morning and I get one of those random moments where thoughts flow in my heart and they come from somewhere higher than my head.

This morning I am thinking about Joseph of the bible. He was in a situation where he could have easily just given in to Potiphar’s wife’s demands. He could say that there was no other choice, that he was cornered, that it was not his fault. But no, Joseph did not. He knew he had to find a way out because there is always a way out! He ran away! He ran away from the scene. His body might have been feeling all sorts of things but he still ran. Potiphar’s wife might have been crazy beautiful but Joseph still ran away!

I sat in the mat thinking about the reason Joseph was able to run. What was he thinking? What gave him the heart and the strength to run? Wouldn’t it have been easier to sleep with her than go through all the trouble he went through after ‘the run’? He went to jail for heaven’s sake!! And actually it was for the sake of Heaven that He ran 🙂

However I was disturbed that morning as my thoughts continued to play out. I seem to live in a generation of people who never flee. We love God with our mouths but our hearts seem very far from Him. We lift our hands in worship and go home that evening to watch porn. We are in bible study and youth fellowship but our lives outside of the curch compound are a complete mess. We are untruthful, ungrateful people. We think we know everything and we rarely stop to listen. We think God is just another nice guy who is clueless and we should care nada about him. We think wearing the latest clothes, the best bling, the highest heel, the shortest skirt, carrying the dopest phone is all life is about. We are simply shallow.

This shallowness, I discovered, is one the reasons we cannot run. We are terribly shallow. We have no roots thus our tree is like the fig that Jesus cursed for bearing no fruit. How can we possibly bear fruit with such shallowness? We are moved by every doctrine because we do not know the truth. Shallowness makes us either too lazy or too tired to run away like Joseph. We are lazy because we are comfortable in sin. It is the easy way out, we think. Or, we are too tired to run away. Tired of sin, tired of being empty from the futile rat race of life, tired from heartache, tired from worry, tired from empty pleasures that leave us more emptier, tired from trying to please others, tired from always trying to fit in, tired of always falling back… Just tired! 😦

Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:22 urges us to flee/run away. 22 Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

The Lord is merciful and gracious and will always forgive us and be ready to heal us and bring us back to himself but what happens if He is continuously cleaning us and we are continuously going back to our vomit like dogs? This hinders growth and our roots remain shallow, we remain shallow, we are in turn unable to run and the vicious cycle continues. Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…….! We should make the decision to run and not look back, to keep running even when the race feels too difficult. We can keep running because we are never alone. He has overcome the world!!

My conclusion that morning as I alighted the mat was this: Lord teach us to run. Teach me to run. Help me to know you and to want to obey you with all my heart like Joseph. When you run your eyes over the land looking for one who is faithful, Lord may you find me faithful (Ezekiel 22:30 I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none) May you build us up so you do not regret creating us like you did in the times of Noah. Breath life into us! Remove the shackles from my feet so I can run, so I can flee youthful lusts and be found faithful! Help me! Help us!!

 I AM is your name.

STOP!!!

Sometimes this walk becomes a run
and it can get exhausting!
In times like these we can
loose sight of why exactly we are here
and just join a rat race!
HIS yoke is easy and
HIS burden is light.
Therefore lets take time
everyday to receive
strength, renewal and guidance
In HIS presence!
STOP walking! STOP RUNNING!!
Get away from the noise
alone with HIM
and just let HIM heal you
renew you, love you,
clean you and guide you!
This way life gets meaningful!
Hearts get lighter
and we can walk on!!